This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
