Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
