Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
