im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
