He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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