It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
