don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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