cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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