I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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