make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
