I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
