i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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