If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
