I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
