I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
