a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
