Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
