i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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