So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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