Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
