you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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