i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
