I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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