you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
