Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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