ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
