He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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