Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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