Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
