The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
