A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
