giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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