So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
