So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
