you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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