you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
