Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
