I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
