i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
