watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
