I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
