I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
