yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
