His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
