so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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