Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
