I love black thongs
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
