Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
