How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
