Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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