the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
