discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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