Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
